(no subject)

[lossofface.livejournal.com]

Will SOMEONE please explain to my lead-brained, rust-ridden, overclocked low priority glitch of an excuse for a wingmate that HUMANS NEED TO EAT?!

I am NOT towing you if you go into stasis-lock again, understand? Doing it in zero-g was bad enough, but this is just STUPID.

- Blitzwing

Comments

[scarletspeedstr.livejournal.com]

I don't know, doing it in zero-g sounds like a lot of fun to me.

[lossofface.livejournal.com]

(a few scribbled out false starts)

That wasn't what I meant, human, and you know it. Don't you have anything better to do with your time than make smart remarks?

[scarletspeedstr.livejournal.com]

Don't knock it until you try it? Besides, from the way you two carry on, are you sure you haven't tried it?

[lossofface.livejournal.com]

Don't be disgusting! Our species doesn't even have the right equipment for it, and besides, why am I even discussing this with you in the first place? You humans are obsessed.

[scarletspeedstr.livejournal.com]

Wait, you mean you guys can't? At all? Then... how do you know what I'm talking about? Your buddy sure doesn't.

[lossofface.livejournal.com]

YES, that is precisely what I mean. We're an asexual metallic race, for Allspark's sake; we're built in factories! The only reason we even have GENDERS is because someone at some point in our history thought it'd be a good idea. Thank goodness it's only an aesthetic choice that's being phased out anyway. And

(some scratched out false starts)

It's not like I was LOOKING for it or anything, okay? I was bored and just wanted to watch some music videos, and suddenly I was learning far more about human anatomy than I'd ever WANTED to. Slagging Internet.

[scarletspeedstr.livejournal.com]

...and that's why you need good internet filters, people.

So basically you're a race of robots who can pick what gender they are? ...huh. Well, that doesn't exactly stop emotions, from the way you act anyway, so what makes you think you can't fall in love and want to do... other things?

[lossofface.livejournal.com]

Yes, so I learned.

Can't believe I'm talking about this with a human...Yeah, we feel emotions. We are SENTIENT, after all. But did it ever occur to your sloppy organic mind that our cultural attitudes towards such things might be even the smallest bit different from yours? How do you know we even have this thing you call love?

[strayfag]

It sometimes happens in conjunction with this thing we call a boner.

[scarletspeedstr.livejournal.com]

Hey, I don't think these guys are ready for those kinds of advanced lessons just yet...

[scarletspeedstr.livejournal.com]

Well you must have something close, or else how do you know what I'm talking about? Look, you at least have something similar that you can, uh, compare? to the feeling, right? So... do you feel that way about this other guy?

...and how come your writing keeps changing like that?

(struck parts illegible)

[lossofface.livejournal.com]

I'm psychotic.

Look, I think you're reading WAY too much into all this arguing Luggy Lugnut and I have been doing. We've served together in the Decepticon army for over two and a half million years; of COURSE we're going to have some kind of bond. But frankly, all this talk about my FEELINGS is making me feel sick. Decepticons just aren't like that, understand?

[scalyfishman.livejournal.com]

[DC couldn't quite hold back here.]

WaiT, You CAn't?

[lossofface.livejournal.com]

What, you CAN?

How is that even possible?

[scalyfishman.livejournal.com]

YEP.

DoN't ask me. MaXimALS evOLved from AutoBOts. I Guess it cAme with the UpgRADE.

I think I Almost feel soRry FOR you.

[lossofface.livejournal.com]

SORRY for me

LISTEN, you pitiful Maximal drone! I am a Decepticon warrior, one of Megatron's elite! I have existed for over six million years, and survived ordeals that would make your tank vent! I have no need or desire for paltry, disgustingly physical displays of affection!

I knew Autobots were weird, but spark...That's just WRONG.

[scalyfishman.livejournal.com]

[the writing becomes suddenly sharper and angrier]

DoN'T you DaRE talk TO ME aboUT 'oRdEALS'! You DoN'T HAVE the FaIntest SlAGGING IDEA What I'VE

[the writing tails off as DC tries to calm himself down. There are several hesitation marks and scribbles]

ScrAP it. NoT Worth MY NanOKliks. All I'M SaYING is YOU don't knOW wHAT you're missing.

[lossofface.livejournal.com]

I doubt anything the pitiful scion of an Autobot could suffer and survive could possibly compare to the feeling of having your mind literally torn apart. But do share, I could use a laugh.

[hailmegatron.livejournal.com]

... WHAT DOES THE HUMAN MEAN?

[scarletspeedstr.livejournal.com]

Uh, WOW. You mean you don't know about sex?

[hailmegatron.livejournal.com]

... EXPLAIN, HUMAN.

[scarletspeedstr.livejournal.com]

Oh geez...

Well basically when two humans - or not humans. Or used-to-be-aliens-but-are-currently-humans. Or whatever - kind of like each other, enough that there's physical attraction if not anything more, then they might decide to have sex. Most of the time this involves a man and a woman, but not always.

...you guys are both, well, guys right? 'Cause in that case things are different. It's still a lot of fun though. And it feels really good too.

I'd explain further, but there's kids reading this thing, and seeing as your friend seems to know exactly what I'm talking about, maybe you should ask him for more information.

[hailmegatron.livejournal.com]

I STILL DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT, BUT I DON'T THINK I WANT TO. IT SOUNDS LIKE A DISGUSTINGLY ORGANIC ACTIVITY.

[scarletspeedstr.livejournal.com]

Organic, yes. Disgusting? No, it's not. Actually it's a lot of fun and it feels wonderful. ;)

[hailmegatron.livejournal.com]

DOES IT FEEL AS GOOD AS VICTORY AFTER A LONG BATTLE, AS FEELING YOUR FOE'S LIFE CRUSHED OUT OF THEIR CHEST BENEATH YOUR CLAWS, AS SERVING YOUR LORD AND MASTER AND KILLING HIS ENEMIES FOR HIS GLORY? CAN IT COMPARE TO THE FEEL OF A BRAND PRESSING INTO YOUR PLATING, MARKING YOU AS ONE OF AN ARMY, ONE OF A REVOLUTION? IT IS AS WONDERFUL AS STANDING OVER A FIELD OF DEATH WITH YOUR WINGMATE BESIDE YOU, SPLATTERED WITH THE SPILLED OIL OF THE FALLEN AND BEING PRAISED BY YOUR LEADER FOR WORK WELL DONE, OR AS THRILLING AS HEARING HIS VOICE CALLING YOU TO HIS SIDE, TO LABOR IN HIS MAGNIFICENT PRESENCE?

IN ANY CASE, ALL ORGANIC THINGS ARE DISGUSTING.