(no subject)

[bitpartgod.livejournal.com]

[The note is very carefully written in the author’s best handwriting.]

Dear Mr. Person-in-Charge (I’m sorry, I don’t know your name),

I don’t like to be a nuisance, but I think there’s been some kind of mistake. I’m definitely not crazy! Is there any way I could possibly contact my friends? I’m sure they could tell you that.

Yours faithfully,

Kibitoshin, East Kaioshin Kaioshin God Guardian of the Universe

[then, as an afterthought]

(Goku? Are you here?)

Comments

[arc-wrench.livejournal.com]

Query: Do you really think that sort of appeal actually works, meatbag? Observation: If they listened, then very, very few individuals would still be here.

Addendum: Also, it doesn't help to sign your letters proclaiming your sanity with any title like "Guardian of the Universe". Just a thought.

[bitpartgod.livejournal.com]

What do you mean? Surely people are just here to get better?

And I am the guardian of the universe. I haven't finished my training yet, but...

[arc-wrench.livejournal.com]

Negatory: No, no one is here, but some seem happy to acknowledge that they may actually be a few grenades short of a massacre, even if they were kidnapped, then possibly stuffed into a body that isn't their own and told that they have always been a normal, squishy meatbag.

Observation: You don't seem to be doing a very good job, meatbag.

[bitpartgod.livejournal.com]

People have been kidnapped?! That's terrible! Something should be done about that! And you say you've been put into a different body? Like... they changed the colour of your skin?

Hey! I'm working on it!

[arc-wrench.livejournal.com]

Affirmative: Yes, as far as I can determine, we all have been kidnapped. Unless you would like to believe you are a special case.

Negatory: No, meatbag, I mean taken from a droid chassis and placed in a human body. Statement: Hopefully, your universe has droids, so that someone can be doing things more efficiently than the meatbag norm. Expletive: And so I won't have to explain the whole kriffing thing again.

Irritation: Well, work faster.

[bitpartgod.livejournal.com]

Oh, no. I knew I had a bad feeling about this place...

You were a robot? Wow. That must be pretty strange for you! And I thought changing colour was odd.

That's not fair! It's a lot harder than it looks!

[arc-wrench.livejournal.com]

Query: ...You didn't realize you'd been kidnapped?

Statement: 'Pretty strange' is not at all close to how it feels to be an efficiently functioning assassin droid, terminating your targets with utmost precision one moment, and then coming online in a decidedly pathetic meatbag frame the next.

Commentary: Well, I would think observational skills would be a must if you're going to be guarding the universe. Suggestion: The next time you are kidnapped, try to notice a little more quickly. That's a relevant place to start.

[bitpartgod.livejournal.com]

That's I But

H-hold on! You're an assassin!? But... that means you kill people! How am I suppose to take advice from someone who kills people?

[arc-wrench.livejournal.com]

Explanation: Because I am very good at it. And I have been ordered to stand on guard duty before, no matter how boring it is to just stand there and not shoot anything.

[haplesstracker.livejournal.com]

Oh, this is gonna be good.

[bitpartgod.livejournal.com]

Huh? Why's that?

[haplesstracker.livejournal.com]

You're in a psycho hospital. Exactly how many people are going to believe you when you say you're totally sane?

Claiming to be a god doesn't exactly help.

[bitpartgod.livejournal.com]

Well, I guess so, but... well, there really has been a mistake. And I don't want to make too much fuss just yet.

Well, that's what I heard one earthling call me. I wasn't sure what word to use. :)

[haplesstracker.livejournal.com]

There hasn't been a mistake. If they're here, they want you here.

[bitpartgod.livejournal.com]

But I'm not crazy!

[haplesstracker.livejournal.com]

Neither am I, what's your point?

[Disguised handwriting]

[opposingheaven.livejournal.com]

Goku? What do you want with him?

[bitpartgod.livejournal.com]

I'm just trying to see if there's anyone I know here. You know Goku? Wait, do I know you?

[31st-of-china.livejournal.com]

How do you know Goku?

[bitpartgod.livejournal.com]

He's a friend of mine. He helps me when I get in over my head and takes care of Earth. Does that mean that you know him too?

[31st-of-china.livejournal.com]

He's my ward. And either we're talking about different Gokus, or you're full of it.

[bitpartgod.livejournal.com]

Oh. Well, the Goku I know isn't someone's ward... darn.

[bad handwriting]

[longlivetheking]

And I am certain they'd release you this instant.

[bitpartgod.livejournal.com]

There's no need to be rude.

[bad handwriting]

[longlivetheking]

Now, now. Why would anyone use sarcasm over something like this, hmm?

[bitpartgod.livejournal.com]

[there are several false starts and strikeouts at the top of the note]

... okay, now I'm confused. Were you being sarcastic? Or are you being sarcastic now? Or are you being sarcastic about being sarcastic?

[mind-the-sukima.livejournal.com]

Good job.

[bitpartgod.livejournal.com]

Good job on what

That's mean! I'm doing my best...

[mind-the-sukima.livejournal.com]

No, honestly. It must be a hard job. And seeing as how we still exist despite all the chaotic forces abound, both scientific and mystical, you must be doing something right.

Well, except for the part where you got stuck here.

[haha, Yukari just made one guardian of the universe very happy indeed]

[bitpartgod.livejournal.com]

Well... when you put it like that, you're kind of right! Thank you! I'm just doing the best job I can.

Yeah. There is that, I guess...

[thecamellia.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry, but I'm pretty sure the reason we're here doesn't depend much on your state of health. It might be best to have the details explained to you by another patient, in-person.

Have you seen this (http://community.livejournal.com/damned_bulletin/438449.html) yet? [an arrow is pointing to the aforementioned post]

- Tsubaki

[bitpartgod.livejournal.com]

Yeah... I think I kind of get it now...

Thanks for pointing that notice out though! It was very helpful. This is turning out to be a whole lot worse than I thought it was

[thecamellia.livejournal.com]

It can be a lot to take in for anyone. Don't force yourself.

It was nothing, really. The bulletin board is the best source for communication right now; it's good to keep an eye on it.

[bitpartgod.livejournal.com]

I'll bear that in mind, thank you! It's good to know there are kind people here too.

[thecamellia.livejournal.com]

There definitely are, and plenty of good allies you can rely on. If you need anything, you can always ask for me, too.

[strayfag]

I want to file a complaint.

[bitpartgod.livejournal.com]

Here we go... What's the problem?

[strayfag]

You're standing in it. What kind of guardian of the universe lets this place slip by? I think you should at least get me some cigarettes to make up for all the unnecessary suffering.

[bitpartgod.livejournal.com]

Wait, this isn't in my universe! I'm sure I'd have seen something like this! And I'm not giving you cigarettes. They're bad for you!

[strayfag]

Can I talk to your superior? The Manager of the Universe or something? Because that's not a good excuse, and as a resident of the universe I know my rights.

[bitpartgod.livejournal.com]

Wait, my superior?! No!!! You can't tell the Elder! He'll kill me if he finds out I screwed up again!

[strayfag]

Again? Man, what kind of people are they hiring? I bet things were pretty orderly back in his day.

[bitpartgod.livejournal.com]

Wait, no, I didn't mean 'again' like

I'm really not that bad at

It's a tough job to inherit! Some things just don't turn out like they should sometimes... sorry about that...

[strayfag]

Yeah yeah, excuses.

[bitpartgod.livejournal.com]

[strayfag]

You can owe me cigarettes and we'll call it even.