Announcement: To the meatbags I shot last night

[arc-wrench.livejournal.com]

Gratitude: Thank you for being so stupid as to ignore my warnings. If you had been more intelligent, I might not have gotten the chance to shoot anyone, or try out the flamethrower mod I was given.

Statement: Watching you get digits shot off and your so easily damaged protective outer layers burned horribly was almost as good as eating chocolate. Suggestion: We should do that again sometime.

--HK-47

Comments

[quickdrawbkiddo.livejournal.com]

So that's why you stood me up last night. I am disappointed I missed seeing you in your full form.

-Arlene

[arc-wrench.livejournal.com]

Statement: I will not apologize, because I had far too much fun to feel at all sorry.

Addendum: I wasn't allowed to kill anyone. But I shot off a loud meatbag's toes and set him and his companion on fire!

[quickdrawbkiddo.livejournal.com]

I was not expecting an apology. Far be it for me to deny you some fun when it costs me nothing.

[arc-wrench.livejournal.com]

Exclamation: Good!

Observation: The meatbag continues to be amusing, even when I can't shoot him. I wish I had found out about this sooner.

[quickdrawbkiddo.livejournal.com]

It seems he is. Perhaps you can test the armament we spoke about yesterday on him should he prove amusing enough.

[arc-wrench.livejournal.com]

Exclamation: Jubilation fills my circuits! I cannot wait.

[quickdrawbkiddo.livejournal.com]

I wouldn't use that metaphor while in a meatbag body. Certain ones will take that in a very different way. Though I find it rather amusing.

[arc-wrench.livejournal.com]

Expletive: Oh, kriff you, meatbag. I'm in too good of a mood to care at the moment.

[quickdrawbkiddo.livejournal.com]

Just being helpful. Continue your good mood. I find it highly entertaining.

[arc-wrench.livejournal.com]

Agreement: I do too. Any time when you are incapable of forcing me to become a traumatized wreck is a wonderful time.

[quickdrawbkiddo.livejournal.com]

Come now, HK-47, I was merely being informative. It could have been worse; SubZero could have said something.

[arc-wrench.livejournal.com]

Statement: With the intent to maim my processors. And I do not care if the other meatbag would say anything either. He has already done quite enough to convince me that any attempts at acting as if he is innocent of such things himself are untrue.

[quickdrawbkiddo.livejournal.com]

I see.

I believe the one posting below is called Spider, unless there is another foul-mouthed one here that writes in large block letters. I'll let you know when I have something that will allow you to lop of his eight legs in any order you wish.

[arc-wrench.livejournal.com]

Statement: I didn't see eight legs, but I think he only has eight toes left, at most. I await this with barely suppressed glee.

[quickdrawbkiddo.livejournal.com]

[inkblot] That was a metaphor, but it's not important.

[arc-wrench.livejournal.com]

Statement: I am aware of that. I just enjoy taking such things literally.

[quickdrawbkiddo.livejournal.com]

Good to know.

[quickdrawbkiddo.livejournal.com]

I have made arrangements for your new weapon. It will be completed tonight, providing we supply the raw materials. I am currently unable to acquire them alone, so you will meet me in the woman's bathroom at the beginning of night to help.

[iwascloned.livejournal.com]

SUGGESTION: SHUT THE FUCK UP AND TRY HARD NOT TO BITE DOWN ON THAT THOUSAND VOLT INSTITUTIONAL DICK YOU'RE DEEP-THROATING. I'VE SEEN BETTER QUALITY NAPALM VOMITED UP BY SYPHILITIC STREET URCHINS.

[arc-wrench.livejournal.com]

Query: How many toes do you have left, meatbag, or are you incapable of counting that high? Statement: An inquiring mind wishes to know.

[iwascloned.livejournal.com]

RESPONSE: PLENTY, YOU BLENDERFUCKING JUNKYARD CROSSDRESSER. I HAVE VICIOUS HYDRAS FOR FEET. EACH TOE YOU SEVERED HAS BLOSSOMED INTO A THOUSAND LIVID ACID-BREATHING REPTILES. THE EXACT NUMBER OF DIGITS PRESENT WILL CEASE TO MATTER WHEN I FORCIBLY INSERT THEM DIRECTLY INTO YOUR WELL-TRAVELED TAILPIPE.

[arc-wrench.livejournal.com]

Exclamation: Reptiles for toes! How interesting.

Query: Wouldn't that be a little difficult to walk on? Observation: I'm sure "A THOUSAND LIVID ACID-BREATHING REPTILES" would be far too squirmy to allow for proper traction and balance.

[iwascloned.livejournal.com]

QUIP: WHICH IS PRECISELY WHY I AM GOING TO USE YOUR METAL ASS AS LIVING, SCREAMING SNOWSHOES UNTIL I CRUSH ALL THE STUPID OUT OF YOU.

[arc-wrench.livejournal.com]

Query: Does that mean I shot off a whole foot? Statement: An aft wouldn't work very well for two shoes, especially if the subject is to remain alive.

Addendum: And you mangle my speech prefixes so. Lie: I am deeply hurt.

[iwascloned.livejournal.com]

FUCKYOU: I AM UNCONCERNED WITH WHETHER THE SUBJECT REMAINS ALIVE. IN FACT, I'D GLADLY CUT A WHOLE WHOREHOUSE WORTH OF NEW HOLES INTO YOUR FILTHY MACHINE-HIDE, JUST SO I COULD RENT YOU OUT TO EVERY BUDDING MECHASEXUAL IN THIS FETID ESTABLISHMENT FOR TWO BUCKS A FUCK.

[arc-wrench.livejournal.com]

Statement: I do love contradicting statements like that. They show such maturity, honesty, and well-functioning processors. And you insult my purity as well. Lie: I am also, as you can see, deeply hurt. I think I shall cry.

Exclamation: This is fun! Suggestion: I should shoot off your digits more often.

[iwascloned.livejournal.com]

ASSENT: YES, FILTHY LYING TOASTER, CRY. CRY TEARS of MOLTEN METAL AND SIMULATED LIQUID EMOTION.

OBSERVATION: IT WILL BE THE LAST TIME YOUR TEARS EVER REACH THE OUTSIDE OF YOUR HIDEOUS METALLIC FRAME.

PROMISE: YOU WILL FIND IT DIFFICULT TO GET OFF A SINGLE SHOT AT MY DIGITS ONCE I TURN YOUR ENTIRE BODY INSIDE OUT, CAUSING ANYTHING MORE INTENSE THAN A MUFFLED SOB TO RESULT IN TOTAL SYSTEMIC DISASTER.

[arc-wrench.livejournal.com]

Query: Is it actually possible to turn a meatbag's body inside out? Statement: I've never managed it before, but I would so love to try.

Commentary: If nothing else, the violence of your statements is quite admirable. But not very threatening, knowing that I have already managed to maim you, meatbag.

[iwascloned.livejournal.com]

ASTONISHED EXCLAMATION: MAIMING?!

INCREDULOUS QUERY: YOU CALL THIS MAIMING? I'VE SEEN FLU VIRUSES THAT COULD BOIL RETINAL FLUID AND VAPORIZE BONE IN AN INSTANT.

DECISIVE STATEMENT: THAT'S MAIMING.

CORRECTION: ALL YOU HAVE DONE IS MADE MY FOOT SHARPER AND MORE AERODYNAMIC, SO THAT THE HYDRAS MIGHT MORE EASILY FIND THEIR ACIDIC WAY INTO EVERY WIRY CREVICE OF YOUR SEMEN-STAINED CHASSIS.

[arc-wrench.livejournal.com]

Definition: To maim is to wound seriously; to cause permanent loss of function of a limb or part of the body.

Statement: Toes are a part of the body. You are missing some. In human meatbags, they do not grow back. Therefore, you have been maimed.

Suggestion: Stick to one-word prefixes, meatbag. It is more authentic.

[iwascloned.livejournal.com]

QUOTATION: TO MAIM IS TO WOUND SERIOUSLY.

OBSERVATION: THIS WOUND COULD NOT BE LESS SERIOUS IF IT SHAT FARTING CLOWNS.

COUNTER-SUGGESTION OF RIGHTEOUS FURY BECAUSE I DO NOT GIVE TWO TUGS OF A DEAD DOG'S DICK ABOUT BEING AUTHENTIC TO THE EVOLUTIONARY SECOND-COUSIN OF AN INCESTUOUS CAN-OPENER: GO INVENT A WAY TO FUCK YOURSELF AND THEN DO IT.

[arc-wrench.livejournal.com]

Statement: To remove digits is to wound seriously. But, if that wasn't serious enough for you, I did throw in the extra flamethrower treatment for free. You should be thankful.

Negatory: No.

[iwascloned.livejournal.com]

REMINDER: I HAVE ALREADY EXPRESSED MY DEEP DISAPPOINTMENT WITH THE QUALITY OF YOUR FLAMMABLES.

BELITTLEMENT: YOUR IMPOTENT DRYHUMP OF A FLAMETHROWER BARELY SINGED THE COCKLES OF MY COAT.

POSITORY: YES.

[arc-wrench.livejournal.com]

Correction: You mean your medications.

Query: Is that why you are so irritable? Withdrawal?

Repetition: No.

[iwascloned.livejournal.com]

RAGE-FUELED TIRADE: NOT IRRITABLE EXACTLY. IT IS MERELY TRUE THAT THE LAST CREATURE TO COME BETWEEN ME AND MY DRUGS WAS A BOIL-ENCRUSTED VULTURE WHOSE SPINE I SUMMARILY EXTRACTED AND USED TO FLOSS THE MOST UNSAVORY CREVICES OF MY BODY. HIS EYES I KEPT FUNCTIONAL THROUGH THE USE OF A TWICE-HACKED MAKER, SO THAT HE COULD WATCH THE UTTER MUTILATION OF HIS LIFE-GIVING MEATPARTS. HE CRIED ACIDIC TEARS FROM BLACK-MARKET REPTILIAN TEAR DUCTS AS I BROADCAST FOOTAGE OF HIS GRUESOME TERMINATION ALL ACROSS THE FEEDS SO THAT ALL WOULD REMEMBER NOT. TO FUCK. WITH THE DRUGS. OF SPIDER FUCKING JERUSALEM.

ADDENDUM: I HAVE NOT YET TRIED THIS ON A MACHINE BUT I AM CERTAIN I COULD MANAGE.

POST-SCRIPT: YES.

[arc-wrench.livejournal.com]

Observation: What an unfortunate middle name.

Statement: I would welcome the challenge of a fight.

Repetition: No.

[iwascloned.livejournal.com]

CHALLENGE OF A FIGHT: I WISH TO CONDUCT AN IN-DEPTH INTERVIEW WITH YOU DURING SECOND SHIFT. BE THERE

OBSERVATION: METHINKS THE HIDEOUS ELECTRONIC MANLADY DOTH PROTEST TOO MUCH. I BET YOU ARE ALREADY WORKING ON ADVANCED SELF-FUCKING TRAJECTORIES. JUST SEE IF YOU CAN FINISH UP BEFORE OUR APPOINTMENT.

[arc-wrench.livejournal.com]

Affirmative: I will be.

Negatory: No, I am not. Sarcasm: I do sincerely hope your tremors and nausea from withdrawal won't be too severe to manage the interview.