[yes this is all in caps]

[thisisyourgod]

ALRIGHT YOU RIDICULOUS NOOKSNIFFERS WITH ALL YOUR FUCKING YELLOW FACED SMILES. LISTEN UP. I'M LOOKING FOR SOME IMPORTANT FRIENDS OF MINE AND YOU'RE GOING TO FORK THEM OVER OR I WILL FIND SOME MEANS OF BEING MORE THREATENING THAN THIS PREHISTORIC WRITING UTENSIL WILL ALLOW.

NORMALLY THIS WOULDN'T BE A PROBLEM, BUT IF I'M A SQUISHY PINK HUMAN LIKE THE REST OF YOU THAN THEY PROBABLY ARE TOO AND I CAN HARDLY TELL ONE OF YOU LOAD GAPER DRINKERS APART FROM ANOTHER ONE. YOU HEAR THAT, ASSHOLES? IF YOU'RE OUT THERE YOU BETTER RESPOND TO THIS SO I CAN FIND YOU. THIS ISN'T JUST SOME RANDOM MEMO FOR US TO ARGUE IN LIKE A BUNCH OF FUCKNUTS. YOU KNOW, LIKE JUST ABOUT EVERY OTHER THING I POST FOR EVERYONE TO SEE, APPARENTLY. THIS IS SERIOUS FUCKING BUSINESS.

OH MY GOD WHY IS SHE EVEN STICKING SMILES ON THE PAPER? WHAT THE SHIT. KNOCK IT O`---

Comments

[thisisyourgod]

IT'S A FLUFFY BEAST THAT HOPS. I THOUGHT YOU HUMANS WERE ALL ABOUT HAVING LESS DESCRIPTIVE TITLES FOR THINGS, SO YOU'D THINK YOU'D BE ABLE TO FIGURE THAT OUT.

FORGET IT.

[showmeyourwreath]

Well, lots of animals hop, like frogs, rabbits, and kangaroos, to name a few. It's hard to tell just from which one you mean just from "hopbeast".

And I'm actually not human at all.

I'm curious to know how you know about them, though.

[thisisyourgod]

I KNOW THEM BECAUSE I CREATED THEM.

WELL, KINDA.

[showmeyourwreath]

You created humans? I've never heard of a troll doing that. They shouldn't have magic at all, much less enough to create a whole race of people.

[thisisyourgod]

THEN YOU DON'T KNOW MY TYPE OF TROLL. WHAT IS THIS WHOLE THING WITH OTHER TROLLS, ANYWAY?

[showmeyourwreath]

I guess not, but a few things about that doesn't add up. I mean, if you created humans, shouldn't there be other trolls on Earth?

Well, the other kind of trolls I'm familiar with are aggressive, powerful, territorial, and aren't the brightest bunch. They favour forests and mountain ranges as their habitats. They'll leave you alone if you don't bother them, but it doesn't take much to provoke them and they're pretty relentless once you get them going. They're hunter-gatherers that typically use tools and weapons that play to their brute strength, and aren't capable of magic.

[thisisyourgod]

THAT IS A LONG AND COMPLICATED RETELLING OF HUMAN BULLSHIT THAT I'M NOT EVEN GETTING INTO RIGHT NOW.

ALSO YOUR TROLLS ARE STUPID.

[showmeyourwreath]

Do you need to _{[strike legible.]} So does that mean you're not there, either? _{[No whys, just a simple yes or no.]}

Like I said, they're not the brightest, but they do just fine with what they have.

What are your people like? And what's your name?

[thisisyourgod]

LONG STORY. DON'T WANT TO GO INTO IT. ALSO I COULD HARDLY ANSWER THAT QUESTION WITHOUT USING HUGE GENERALIZATIONS, SO NO THANKS. THE CLOSEST I COULD GET WOULD BE "BETTER THAN HUMANS."

IT'S KARKAT.

[showmeyourwreath]

You can't be serious. No one race of people is better than the other. How can you say that about people you say you created, especially?

[thisisyourgod]

BECAUSE ---

THINGS.

WHATEVER. I'M NOT COMPLETELY SERIOUS.