damned_bulletin | [Anonymous, but doesn't think to disguise handwriting that thoroughly; strikeouts almost legible]

Give them another chance.

I've thought about that. I want to. But I feel like I've been giving them chances up until now. They've never done anything this bad before, but there have been little things leading up to it.

Still stand by what I say. People make mistakes and maybe it builds up, but you don't wanna look back and wish you'd given them another chance years down the line.

Even if what they did really hurt, and they don't seem sorry for it?

I really do want to forgive the person. We've gotten close enough to be called family by this point. I just [hesitation] really don't know what to think of what they did. Like I said, it caused a lot of hurt and confusion, but they seemed like they wanted to do it for ~~our~~ my a benefit. It wasn't like nothing good came of it, either.

Edited 2009-11-06 20:07 (UTC)

I'd say try to work it out, if you got the chance. Never know if they'll really get serious about turning it around. If something good came of it, then...

[There's a blot. ~~Dean~~ Rick's crap at getting all sharing and caring]

Well, try to remember the good and the bad, I guess.

I really hope I haven't ruined it. They came to visit me the other day, and I yelled at them pretty bad while I was deep in one of my delusions. Accused them of a few things, but all of them were wrong things, things that only exist in my head.

He was disappointed, and then he got really mad at me. I'd never seen him mad before that.

Edited 2009-11-06 20:21 (UTC)

Try to make it up is what I'd say. You don't want to ~~die~~ [not a nurse strike, he crossed it out himself since it's a little too personal] and that's what you're gonna leave behind is something that maybe could've been patched up.

I've had that happen to me, but my own response certainly wasn't the best.

I suppose they could say the same about me.

I'm sorry to hear that, about both things. What kind of response did you have? Or is that too personal?

I felt as if I had simply been used for the entire time I had been his friend, which totals thirty-three years. So I snapped, and tried to kill him.

O Oh

I guess there's no good way to answer that. Again, I'm so sorry to hear things got to that point. I didn't realize that whatever disorder we have could push people that far.

Unfortunately, yours doesn't seem like the kind of bad thing I was talking about. You did it because you snapped, and that's understandable. The person I'm talking about was pretty calm about the whole thing, almost like he'd been planning it (not sure about that, but that's how it felt after a while).

Edited 2009-11-06 20:39 (UTC)

Outward emotional display may not have much to do with it. I was quite logical in a twisted sort of way the entire time. And it was premeditated.

I'm sorry for what you've been through.

I see.

And thank you. I will try to talk to the person next time they visit, at least. The last visit didn't go so well, but hopefully I'm a little clearer-headed next time.

How bad? Was it them fucking themselves over or was it something like murder?

Not really either of those. Really, that's just the problem: I don't really know how bad. It's something that everyone else would definitely think is very bad, but [pen has tapped here several times] it's complicated, or at least it feels that way to me.

You're going to have to be a lot less vague here.

I'd really, really rather not say on here if I can help it.

I guess all I can say is that there was some good that came of what they did, but it also caused a lot of hurt and confusion for me.

Talk to them, see if you think they're going to do it again. If it was for you, like they called the hotline or something, I don't even see why it's a problem.

They said it was for both of us, that it would help. The reason they did it is resolved now, but I still get this nagging feeling that they would do it again anyway if they had the chance, just with a different excuse.

[There is now a smiley face sticker over "fucking".]

I would hope that I'd be forgiven.

I would hope the person wants to be forgiven. I really have no clue at this point from the way they've acted. They haven't said anything about it since.

Have you asked?

Haven't had a chance. After that's when my delusions came on strong. A few days of that and then they and a family member sent me here.

Then I would suggest you reserve judgment until you get a chance to talk to them about it.

That seems to be what I get from what people have said so far. Thanks. I really appreciate the help.

That happened to me, kinda. It was someone that I looked up to, and he, well, did something he really shouldn't have. But once I got to [pen tap] know him, I realized that he wasn't really evil, he just had some psychological issues involving his dad. I talked to him about it, and soon enough he was able to conquer his personal demons with my help.

So my advice? Confront him about it. Most people don't do bad things without a reason, you know?

Well, they did seem to have a reason. They said pretty much what it was. I just don't know if I believe it's the real one or not, you know? Seemed to make sense at the time, but it doesn't feel right looking back. There's definitely been stuff that's been hard for the person to deal with, though. So you're right, there's probably something I'm missing.

As I said to the others, I'm going to try to stay clear-headed until next visitor's day. Then I'll be able to really talk to them about it. Probably for the best, anyway; the longer I stay sane, the sooner I'll be able to get out of here and see my friends again.

If it didn't feel right, then it probably wasn't right. Sometimes you just gotta trust your feelings.

I wish I could help you more on this, but I kinda need to know more about the situation. I think I'm pretty good at helping people dealing with their issues, so if you want we can chat later about it.

[a second note has been posted below; clearly an afterthought]

But it's okay if you don't want to talk about it, though, I understand!

I'd rather not give too many details, if that's okay. If I do feel like sharing at some point in the future, though, I'll let you know. I really appreciate the offer to help.

Yeah, you should talk to them. ~~I'd~~ I think that person would appreciate it if you asked them about it first and let them explain.

Thanks for that. I still have a lot of misgivings and confused feelings, but I will definitely talk to him about it.

I think that you should confront them about it and give them another chance. Maybe forgive them too.

I definitely want to hear what they have to say. There's a lot of things I need to ask in order to make sense of the whole thing.

You should not offer forgiveness if it is not something you are able to give. Despite any confusion, you know in your heart whether or not you wish to let this person in again.

Doing so may only cause you more pain in the future, but it is the nature of living, and of love.

[several false starts]

I want to let the old him in badly. But I don't even know if the old him even exists anymore, or if it did to begin with.

It is not something you can know without being close to him, and the answer will only be clear once you have made yourself vulnerable. You must decide, is he worth the pain he may put you in? For there will be no reassurances, and no protection if you want to know his heart.

Edited 2009-11-07 17:48 (UTC)

It'll be some time until I can see him again, let alone get close. At least that means more time to think about things, I guess.

Thank you, though. Even though you didn't really give me any answers, I think your words will help me the most.

[small drawing of the Rose Seal in very light pencil, light enough that it's only really noticeable up close]

I do not think that anyone besides yourself is truly able to answer your questions.

You are welcome. I'm glad.

If you would ever like to talk to me, my name is Addison Michaels.

Make sure they really did what you thought they did, first. Then make sure you know the real reason why they did it. Don't make assumptions.

[Anonymous, but doesn't think to disguise handwriting that thoroughly; strikeouts almost legible]

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Yeah it's hitting a little too close to home.

[Please excuse Yomi for driving the skewer deeper. The parallels just fit so well from her POV.]

[Go for it. Totally fits with how djinn verse was for Dean/Rick too, so bring it on :) ]

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[POST ALTERED]

[unsigned; writing undisguised, but she hasn't used her 'normal' writing much]

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yes, this sounds familiar to her...

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[This is sort of ironic cuz she's the one on the other end]

[Sorry, running out of good replies XD;;]

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[Message folded and tacked directly under "Addison"'s reply]

[Folded in the same manner as "Yomi"'s response]

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[anon]