damned_bulletin | (no subject)

That would be me. Most people call me Superboy but Kon is fine. What's up?

I wish to know why you felt the need to mislead and seduce my subordinate.

Uh, what? I didn't seduce anyone. Not that I can't but I haven't. Who are we talking about here?

And yet you don't deny the misleading? Interesting.

Surely the name "Scourge" must ring a bell?

That's not what I meant! I didn't mislead or seduce anyone!

Scourge? Yeah, he- Oh! I didn't seduce him, really. Or mislead him. We just agreed to get together. Why is it your business? You two together?

Don't be digusting. It's my understanding that you fed him some preposterous story about certain...interactions conferring immunity from some of the monsters here. Care to comment?

And before ANYONE reading this decides to jump in with more stupid comments, there is NOTHING unprofessional going on between me and Scourge! So don't even start!

You mean the virgin-eating birds? Hate to break it to you but it's true man. We had sex to make sure he'd be safe. What else is there to say?

You really need to learn to relax. I think you're protesting way too much. It's not disgusting at all, it's a lot of fun. Just ask Scourge. You should try it sometime man.

Just when I'm about to think you organics can't get any more VILE...

Yes, that is the story he said you told him, and I don't believe it any more coming from you than I did from him. Even if an organic carnivore had the higher mental capacity to specifically target virgins, how could it possibly tell the difference? But what I'm really interested in knowing is why you targeted one of my subordinates for your depredations.

I don't know how it works, but ask anyone! They'll confirm it.

I didn't target him- he asked me about it! I just offered to help him out, like you do with friends. We both had fun, no one was hurt, what's your problem?

My "problem" as you put it, is that you detained one of MY subordinates from following the orders I gave him. But, if he truly did approach you, perhaps I have been slightly amiss in my placement of the blame.

I will be willing to overlook this incident if you refrain from contacting him again.

Dude, you don't own him and I'm not going to stop talking to one of my friends just 'cause you said so.

Actually, I do.

Anyway, I'd hardly call one sexual encounter a friendship. Why do you care so much about keeping in contact with him anyway? Don't you have other humans to...inoculate?

You can't own people. No matter what anyone says.

And, yeah, he is a friend. We talked and he's pretty cool and we were both interested in hooking up again. That makes him a friend in my book. Just 'cause I have other friends doesn't mean I ignore the rest.

You really have no idea what you're talking about, do you? Were you dropped on your head as a protoform or something?

Look, human. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain the intricacies of Decepticon culture to you. All YOU need to know is that YES, I can and do own Scourge, by virtue of the fact that he's both a weakling and a coward. Demonstrate some intelligence for once and let the issue lie.

NO but I know what it's like to be viewed as property and I'm not gonna stand for that sort of thing. I don't care what you say about 'Decepticon culture' or whatever. Treating people like that is wrong and I'm not dropping it just 'cause you said to. Trust me man, you do not want to be on my bad side. So why don't you back off?

Are you seriously threatening me?

Oh my spark, you ARE, aren't you? Do you seriously expect me to be SCARED of you, human? Don't make me laugh that hard anymore, okay? It makes my sides hurt.

I'm not just a human, I'm Superboy. More powerful than a locomotive, faster than a speeding bullet, you know the spiel. And I could kick your ass with one hand tied behind my back.

Actually, I don't know the "spiel," as you put it. But if that's an example, I doubt I'm missing much.

It seems you come from a universe where the terror and glory of the Decepticon empire is not yet known to your lowly race, so know that I am Blitzwing, master of fire and ice! When I was built, your miserable planet had not yet accreted out of the dust of space, and when I was destroyed and through my own efforts reforged, your disgusting organic species had not even learned to walk upright! I am madman and conqueror, and I alone have the will to rule in Megatron's absence! I also know four different recipes for pina coladas, but they don't make olives big enough for me. :(

If you have anything approaching sense at all, you will tremble in fear and leave me and mine be.

Blah blah blah. Wake me when you're done. You obviously haven't heard of Superman. I don't care what sort of big, dangerous robot thing you are, the big guy could blow you to pieces just by sneezing. And I can do just about anything he can. I don't scare easy. You're gonna have to do better than that.

Though, seriously man, pina coladas? That's not much to brag about.

Super...man? What kind of ridiculous name is that? I hope he is more intimidating than you, whatever he is; if you were any more boring, I might fall into recharge.

And I got bored with mixed drinks once I figured out the problem with the olives.

Wait, so the crazy guy named Blitzwing thinks Superman is a stupid name? Uh huh.

Whatever, you don't scare me, I don't scare you, so why don't you stop trying to tell me what to do and we won't have to find a free night so I can kick your ass?

But aren't you a robot normally? What does drinking even do for you?

There is NOTHING wrong with my name!

I think it's by smell. Sex has...a very distinctive smell.

[There's several arrows drawn to Superboy's post]

See? Perfect alibi. We just did sex things and then I left.

You WASTED most of the night with your "sex things!" We didn't even get upstairs, thanks to you.

Such lateness will not be tolerated a second time, Scourge. Do you really want to be left alone in this place, small and weak as you are?

I'm sorry! I thought I'd catch up to you guys later, I didn't know you'd wait!

A mistake that will NOT be repeated twice!

Of course, sir!

[Written in smaller, cramped, nervous handwriting.]

Yes, sir. I'll make every attempt to serve and benefit the Decepticon cause.

Dude, you so shouldn't put up with this sort of thing. Just 'cause he's never gotten laid is no reason to ride your ass.

He's my commander and he's half a foot taller than me. I don't really have a choice in the matter.

Sure you do! If you don't like the way he treats you just stop hanging around him. If he gives you any trouble I could so kick his ass.

Look, I get what you're doing, but stop trying to help. At least I'm only getting tossed around for things I actually did, that's a better deal than I get under ~~Gal~~ most commanders.

If I cut out on them I cut out on all the Decepticons, and then I'm factionless and probably marked for death on top of it. I'll take my dents.

What are you talking about? How is your team-mates hurting you good? No one should do that, especially not for something small.

I don't get it. Why would they try and kill you for that? It's your choice who you work with.

It's not good, it's just normal. Dominance or something. I'm lowest in the ranks right now, so I get smacked around the most.

They kill me for treachery against the Decepticons, if they catch me. It's a war, leaving's desertion.

I'll explain next time I see you in the hall or something. Just stop talking back to Blitzwing or it'll go worse for me.

Fine, whatever. But he was the one who started the argument and he's arguing with me. I don't see why it would affect you.

Who's he going to take it out on if he gets mad? Not Lugnut.