(Written In Elegant, Old Fashioned Handwriting)

[a_sin_for_him]

Has anyone had one of these 'family visits' before? They're scheduled for tomorrow and I'd like some idea of what to expect.

Comments

[felled-hero.livejournal.com]

Let's just say I'm looking at it from the other side of the equasion. Your family would rather you were alive.

Yeah, good luck to you on that. It's not gonna happen anytime soon.

Yeah, I am. Died and left my family behind. Kind of glad I've got a second chance now. And I've got a friend who pulled the same 'I should have protected you' thing. And I called him on his bullshit. You can't save everybody.

[heavens-too-far.livejournal.com]

My family is dead. They don't have any preferences anymore.

That's what makes it hard to deal with.

You can if you're strong enough.

[felled-hero.livejournal.com]

So what? You think that's it? You think just because they're gone, the fact that they loved you doesn't matter anymore? You think they'd rather you were dead, too? Lemme ask you something. If you died, would you want them with you, or would you want them blaming themselves?

I know. But we can't let them get in our heads. They got into mine for a little bit...

No, you can't. No one is that strong. There are forces that no man can stand against, no matter how strong he is. We all think we can, and we think if we just push ourselves, if we just did one more thing...

[heavens-too-far.livejournal.com]

All that matters is that they're dead, and if I'd been stronger they would be alive.

They were just bandits. I killed them with ease a year or two later, once I'd trained myself and caught up with them. I just wasn't strong enough when I needed to be.

[felled-hero.livejournal.com]

But you weren't, and that happens. You're gonna waste your life wallowing in self pity? How could you have predicted how strong you'd need to be and when?

We aren't born strong. How old were you when this happened?

[heavens-too-far.livejournal.com]

I haven't wasted it. But I don't need to forgive myself to make use of it, either.

Seventeen. Old enough to use a sword. Old enough to have been able to fight a few bandits drunk on pride and thoughtless violence, if I'd bothered to learn how.

[felled-hero.livejournal.com]

Seventeen? You were a kid!

If you don't enjoy life, it's a waste. There's no point in living without enjoying your life. You're just existing otherwise.

[heavens-too-far.livejournal.com]

Many in my world learn to fight or get married before or around that age. Perhaps your customs are different. But I was going to be an artist.

Then you're saying I'd be better off dead? I thought you were arguing against that.

[felled-hero.livejournal.com]

Yeah, things are different where you come from. But it's still no reason to be down on yourself the way you are. It's not honoring your family's memory any. How is an artist supposed to be able to stand up to armed men, huh?

No, I'm saying you're wasting the life you've got.

[heavens-too-far.livejournal.com]

Exactly. I was no help at all - just a liability. I wasn't even worth finishing off.

There's not much else to do with it. I don't have anyone to be with, to protect, even just to earn money for. I've found a few people here, but who knows how long that will last.

[felled-hero.livejournal.com]

How could you expect to have been a help? You can't predict the future, how were you to know?

Why not live it for yourself?

[heavens-too-far.livejournal.com]

All of us were weak. Cecille was only nine, but my parents and I - there's no excuse. Any one of us should have been able to do something, but instead we were crushed.

There's nothing I want to live for. But I'm not so weak I'll invite death in, either. Existence is the best I can manage.

[felled-hero.livejournal.com]

So blame the bastards that were to cowardly to face someone that was a match for them. Don't blame yourself. Would you blame your parents, since they weren't strong enough either?

Then find something. If you aren't gonna life, you may as well give up.

[heavens-too-far.livejournal.com]

Don't think I don't blame the bandits. But if we'd been stronger, the bandits wouldn't have found us such easy prey, and my family might still be alive.

I tried that once. I won't be that weak again. I'll either die fighting or not at all.